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Monday, October 20, 2014

How to Stay Alive in a Horror Movie



Its mid October! Is anyone else excited about Halloween!? I sure am and The thing that I love about this time of year (aside from decorating) its the perfect time to binge watch horror movies!

Recently, Man Crates: Gifts For Men reached out to me. Because its getting close to Halloween, they told me about their current campaign, to create a Horror Movie Survival Kit. This is such an awesome idea, and I couldn't wait to start my write-up! Characters in horror movies are always so unprepared, so a survival kit would be great for someone in a horror movie!

If I had a kit to survive a horror movie, there are a few specific things I would like to have:

  • a flashlight with NEW batteries (and extras that are new as well)
  • pepper spray, to be able to get away fast!
  • some kind of weapon (baseball bat, machete, chainsaw)
  • some sort of multi-tool
  • extra cellphone batteries
  • a pair of running shoes, or hiking boots
  • and a first aid kit...for the dumbass that gets hurt doing something stupid


Now having said that, I felt the need to add on to this concept. If you're like me, whenever you watch a horror movie, you spend a lot of time yelling at the TV (like the characters can hear you, Ha!) about the stupid decisions or things that the characters do. And of course, because of their bad choices, they ultimately die. So what would it take to survive a horror movie? Here are some of my own tips/ideas on how to not die in a horror movie!



The Buddy System- Splitting up when there's a killer, or a monster or whatever, is always a bad idea. But never-the-less, someone always has the 'smart' idea to cover more ground if they separate. Or they tell someone to wait in some sketchy location while they go and get help. DO NOT SPLIT UP!



Don't be the only minority in the movie- haha, I'm kinda serious about this, lol. How many times do we see the only black person in a movie die first? As a black woman, that's really one of the things I notice, and have come to expect in a horror movie. Its sad, but seriously, have a minority battle buddy!



Always have a new battery in your flashlight- Especially if you are looking for someone say, in the woods, or in an abandoned building. It never fails, the ones that actually do remember to bring some sort of light source, once they get real good and lost, the light goes out.



Better yet, don't go there in the first place!- Call the damned cops and find a large group of people to wait with. If your friend has wandered into the woods alone, don't go after them. That might sound kind of cruel, but they should know better.


 If you hear a noise..don't ask "Who's There". The killer isn't going to answer you. Why do people always do this? If you're at home alone and there is some strange noise, don't go investigate. Unless you have an insane pet that likes to knock shit over. If there is a weird sound that you know shouldn't be coming from inside your house, it might be a good idea to leave and go somewhere else. Walmart is open 24 hours, go hang out there for a while!

 Don't run Upstairs. Seriously. If you go up there, you just trapped yourself.  Unless you have a ladder handy at a window (of course none of these movies do) Then your only option is to hide, and wait for the killer to ultimately find you, or jump out of a window, hurt yourself and the killer still kills you.

and lastly,

If you're in a small country town, be nice to the locals- You know the scenario, a group of  young adults are on a road trip and stop at a small town to either ask for directions, ask about something that they shouldn't be trying to find out about, or to eat. Something happens and one of the characters acts like an asshole to someone. Those small and close knit towns don't take shit from bratty strangers, and they get their revenge. So don't be an asshole, someone will kill you!


So these are just some of the ideas I came up with, but I could list about a hundred more things not to do, lol. What are some of the things you think would help you to survive a horror movie?


Evon

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