Surviving a Horror Movie

A few years ago, I wrote an article about how to stay alive in a horror movie.  I decided to give it another go! Here are more ways to survive a horror movie!

Be Skeptical of the kids.
Children in horror movies are always creepy. Sometimes they just look plain evil (that may have sounded mean...). Kids always seem to see or suspect things and the adults always brush it off as being an overactive imagination. Yes kids can make up things, but when its a constant, or its really creepy and weird, maybe you should look into it. But when they start speaking to you in Latin or some other language they shouldn't know, it's too late, you fail.

Animals sense danger.
Animals seem to know when somethings not right. If your cat starts growling, arching its back and hissing, something is wrong. Kittie isn't just having a rough day. If your dog starts growling, barking, or whimpering, something is definitely wrong. Buster is never just fussy or needs to go out super bad. And when you are trying to call your pet and they don't answer it'll be too late to save them or find them. Something isn't right and you need to figure out what it is, like right now.

Sex can wait.
Seriously. In teen/young adult horror movies, this is the major turning point in the movie. It's usually when people start to die (or people realize a killer or monster is out there). You're in the house alone at night, or you're camping in the woods alone and decide what the hell, lets do it. Lets drive out to BFE and do it. How many times has someone gotten killed because they wanted to have sexy time? Too many. They always die in the worst, most embarrassing ways too. Lets go out to some abandoned area and have sex, There's no one there. wrong, There is someone there. They are watching you, and they are going to kill you.

The bad guy is never dead.
Okay so triumphant part of the movie you give it one hard go to kill the bad guy. You run him over with your car a few times. Or you stab it repeatedly, or you set the building on fire. Are you sure they're dead? You think they are but they're not. They never are. They're laying motionless and you maybe poke at them and they don't move. Then they somehow get away and find you. How can you make sure they are never coming back? I'm not really sure. I don't think you can. I guess dismemberment? Incineration? A hope, a prayer?

Reading isn't always good for you.
Under normal circumstances, reading is a good thing. When you find some sort of old looking book with strange writing and strange (scary) pictures, DO NOT READ IT! Seriously. No matter how interesting it looks to you, incantations are always bad. Don't read them in your head and most certainly don't read them aloud. All you're doing is asking to die at the hands of the demons you just summoned.

I'll be back.
When you're with a group, some genius (note- sarcasm) decides it would be good to split up, or they will go ahead and get help. They leave you, or your small group and say they'll be back. Nope. You are not Arnold Schwarzenegger, and you will not be back.  By saying "I'll be back" you're subliminally telling your peeps, "I'll be dead soon, so say your goodbyes." The only case this doesn't fail, is when two people go to get help. One of them most certainly dies, but sometimes the other person makes it out. But sometimes they die too,

Don't go there.
There are all kinds of really bad hiding options. These are places you should just avoid at all cost. Basements. You're basically underground in a cement lined hole in the ground. Most of the time basements are dilapidated and grungy, not to mention the high creep factor. And most basements only have one entrance...the way you got down there in the first place. Nowhere to exit if the killer or monster is in your house upstairs! Bathrooms. Aside from the grimy germs, there are stalls. Stalls that people can hide in. Even if you look under the stalls as you are walking by, someone could be standing on the toilet seat and you'd never know they were there. That is unless you push open the door. Even then, they're more ready to attack than you are to defend. Don't, just don't go there. Closets are another bad place. Most closets aren't very big. They are tight, confined places which you have no way to escape from. A tiny wood paneling door would be the only thing separating you from the killer/monster/bad guy.

I'm okay with admitting that I am the worst person to watch scary movies with. I generally shout statements like those above at my TV when the characters make stupid mistakes. All are valid points though, am I right? What are some other tips you can think of on how to survive a horror movie?

lotsa love to ya!


Von is a lifestyle blogger based in Massachusetts. She has a passion for nerd culture, food and movies. To find out more about Evon, and this blog, take a look at the About Me page!